When Good Villains Go Bad
by Triad Card 844A
Summary: Several villains join forces to destroy the good guys! But what are the chances that they would succeed? Vote for any other villains that you wish to add to the story! Chapter 2 is up!
1. The Villain Auditions!

When Good Villians Go Bad  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Zelda, or anything else listed here except myself and perhaps the Censor Sorceror and the Elvish Piper (as a villain). If I did, I would be busy making the next game, with a gallon of coffee next to me, and an insane smile on my face. Oh, wait, that's me right now.  
  
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Chapter 1  
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At a random bar in a random world . . . .  
  
Sephiroth: God, why do the good guys always have to win? All I wanted was something so simple, like destroying the world, and no one lets me.  
  
Kefka: I know, there is no way those geeks at squaresoft are gonna let us win for once. We'll always be at the bottom of the ladder.  
  
Ganondorf: However, we must understand that we make the story go around, and if we weren't there, the story would have collapsed upon itself. And if we do destroy the world, then the story would end right there. We are all caught in a continuing vortex of lost battles and failed plans.  
  
Everyone stares at him.  
  
Ganondorf: I mean, I wished they'd let us win.  
  
Ultimecia: Hey, why don't we join forces?  
  
Sephiroth: What?  
  
Ultimecia: Well, if we are all on the same side, then we can create one super-powerful team to destroy the world! Or at leased conquer it.  
  
Ganondorf: But do we have enough power to do that?  
  
Ultimecia: Hey, we can ask other villains to help us!  
  
Kefka: Great idea! **does his annoying laugh** Huahahahahaha!!!  
  
Ultimecia: So, to this day forth, we shall be known as the Society of the Villain's Revenge!  
  
Sephiroth: Why?  
  
Ultimecia: Because we are going to get revenge on all those goody-goodies who beat us in the first place!  
  
Sephiroth: Oh.  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
Now, we join our little society at the Villain's Auditions, were a line of villains are awaiting there chance to join the society.  
  
Ganondorf: Ok now, what are your abilities?  
  
King Dedede: I can hit things with a hammer!  
  
Ganondorf: And yet you are constantly beaten by a marshmallow? Next!  
  
Sephiroth: And what are your skills?  
  
Starman DX: I have mystical psycic alien robotic powers!  
  
Sephiroth: Great, we'll be in touch.  
  
Kefka: What powers do you have?  
  
Pikachu: Pika Pika!  
  
Kefka: Good God! **casts Ultima**  
  
Pikachu: Pika! **dies**  
  
Suddenly, a huge bouquet of roses is thrown at Kefka. Screaming people cheer as Pikachu lies dead before them. A choir is sing "Hallelujah!". Then everything dies down as the audition resumes.  
  
Ultimecia: And what are you?  
  
Andross: I AM A GIANT HEAD!!!!!  
  
Ultimecia: Gee, that is so good. **casts Shockwave Pulsar**  
  
Andross: THAT DIDN'T KILL ME!!!!!  
  
Ultimecia: Well then . . . . **presses a button**  
  
Andross: WHAT IS THAT?!!!!! **gets blasted by Arwing lasers** **dies**  
  
Ganondorf: What can you do?  
  
Elvish Piper: I can summon huge monsters!!! From Magic: The Gathering!!!  
  
Ganondorf: Hey, I remember you! You were the one who beat me at the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament!  
  
Elvish Piper: Yeah!!! I'm a better villian than you!!!  
  
Ganondorf: Come over here! **chases the Elvish Piper**  
  
Ultimecia: Hey, G-dorf, if he can beat you, then he deserves to join.  
  
Ganondorf: **grumbles**  
  
Sephiroth: And what do you do?  
  
Bowser: I'm a big turtle/dinosaur that can blow fire!  
  
Sephiroth: All of us here can use fire. What is your resume?  
  
Bowser: I starred in many Mario games, and I even made it to Super Smash Bros. Melee!  
  
Ganondorf: Hey, I did too!  
  
Sephiroth: Well, Pikachu was in it too, and look what happened to that stupid rat.  
  
Ganondorf: Well, we'll let you be on the reserve.  
  
Bowser: **grumbles**  
  
Kefka: And who are you?  
  
Seifer: I'm Seifer, and I'm here to get revenge on puberty boy and chickenwuss!  
  
Kefka: I like your spunk. You're hired!  
  
Ultimecia: And who might you be?  
  
Magus: I'm Magus, a dark wizard. Actually, I'm not suppose to be here. I'm really a good guy, and I'm only here to spy on you villains.  
  
Ultimecia: That's great, but what can you do?  
  
Magus: **casts Dark Matter**  
  
The whole room blows up.  
  
Ultimecia: **coughs** Good job! You're the only decent person so far today! You made it!  
  
Magus: I already told you, I'm a good guy, not a villain.   
  
Ultimecia: Yeah, sure . . . .  
  
Magus: That's it! I quit! **leaves**  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
At the end of the day . . . .  
  
Ultimecia: Gee, what a waste of a good day. An entire roomful of villains, and the only ones we got are them. **Gestures at the Elvish Piper, Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin**  
  
Kefka: I wonder if this plan will ever work out.  
  
Sephiroth: This stinks. My plan to use METEOR to destroy the planet was better.  
  
Ganondorf: If only we had some sort of secret weapon to use against our foes.  
  
Mysterious voice: Perhaps I can be of assistance.  
  
Ganondorf: What?  
  
Mysterious voice: Here is my resume. **hands a sheet of paper to the villains**  
  
Ultimecia: Well, if this is true, then you can be a really good ally to us!  
  
Mysterious voice: Yes, for my name is, Censor Sorceror!  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, at the quiet building of Trabia Garden, we see some nameless SeeDs who are not important to this story.  
  
Nameless SeeD#1: I'm bored.  
  
Nameless SeeD#2: I'm bored too.  
  
Suddenly, a huge craft appeared out in the sky.  
  
Ultimecia: It is so nice that the Elvish Piper lent us his Predator Flagship to help us destroy the world.  
  
Nameless SeeD#1: **screams**  
  
Nameless SeeD#2: **screams**  
  
Nameless SeeD#3: Call for backup!  
  
Kefka: Huahahaha! Let's bring out our secret weapon!  
  
A man wearing a gray business suit and carrying a briefcase walks out of the craft.  
  
Censor Sorceror: I am the Censor Sorceror! I am invincible!  
  
A bunch of SeeDs run out to attack him.  
  
Censor Sorceror: You are all useless before my eyes! You cannot defeat me!  
  
A SeeD tries to slice him with a sword. The sword's blade bounces off of him, for it is made of rubber.  
  
Nameless SeeD#4: What the?!!  
  
Another SeeD tries to shoot the Censor Sorceror. The bullets bounce off of him, since they have been turned to rubber.  
  
Nameless SeeD#5: No way!  
  
Yet another SeeD casts Firaga on him. However, the fire turns out to be nothing more than cheap special effects.  
  
Censor Sorceror: I can destroy you all! I have the power to nullify all attacks into useless ones! I can turn bullet into marshmallows, swords into rubber, and magic spells into cheap special effects! Hahahahaha!  
  
Nameless SeeD#3: Can anyone beat this man?  
  
***************  
End of Chapter 1  
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So, can anyone beat the Censor Sorceror? Find out on the next chapter of When Good Villains Go Bad!  
  
Please review! The society is not final, and you can vote for even more villains to join the group. PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	2. The Interview of Madness!

When Good Villains Go Bad!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than my own villains.  
  
Note: I'm sorry for not having Ultimecia use all those "k"s in the last chapter. She will this chapter.  
  
Note: It may take a while before I invite another villain into the group.  
  
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Chapter 2: The Interview of Madness!  
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Now we join our group of villains in their secret hideaway. Ultimecia, Sephiroth, Ganondorf, and Seifer are playing cards. Kefka comes in.  
  
Kefka: Hey! We villains finally got a big break!  
  
Ultimecia: **playing cards** What?  
  
Kefka: A news station has offered to interview our society on what we plan to do! This is the perfect oppurtunity to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies!  
  
Sephiroth: What station is it?  
  
Kefka: I don't know. It is called CNN, I believe!  
  
Ganondorf: Do you mean that famous news show?  
  
Kefka: Perhaps! This is our big chance to get our names out there!  
  
Seifer: Great! Anyway, Ganondorf, do you have a three?  
  
Ganondorf: Go fish.  
  
Kefka: The film crew gets here in just one hour!  
  
Ultimecia: **jumps up** Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's get all our stuff ready!  
  
Seifer: I'll go get my Hyperion!  
  
Sephiroth: Where did the Masamune go?  
  
Ganondorf: Last time I checked, it was in the washing machine.  
  
Sephiroth: Who would be stupid enough to put a sword in a washing machine?  
  
Ultimecia: Well, it was very dirty and stained with blood. I thought it needed a good wash.  
  
Sephiroth: The next time you go pray or something, remind me to kill you.  
  
Ultimecia: Sure.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
One hour later . . . .  
  
Ultimecia: The news krew is here!  
  
Kefka: I'll go open the door. **opens the door**  
  
Selphie: **comes in** Hi!!! Booyaka! I am here to interview you!  
  
Behind her comes Yuffie and Navi, carrying camera equipment.  
  
Ultimecia: Selphie!  
  
Sephiroth: Yuffie!  
  
Ganondorf: Navi!  
  
Kefka: Why do all the names of the annoying people of the world end in the "e" sound? (author's note: think about it! why?)  
  
Selphie: So, we are here to interview this group of people, who are planning to do many great things throughout their life.  
  
Seifer: Wow, someone who actually appreciates us! This is rare!  
  
All the villains sit down in a row, including Fujin, Raijin, the Elvish Piper, and the Censor Sorceror.  
  
Selphie: Ok now, let's begin. First question: What things are you all planning to do?  
  
Kefka: We plan to destroy the world!  
  
Ultimecia: We wish to achieve time kompression!  
  
Sephiroth: We wish to blast the earth with METEOR!  
  
Ganondorf: We want to transform the world into a place of darkness!  
  
Selphie: Gee, isn't that a little, like, going too far?  
  
Kefka: What do you mean?  
  
Selphie: Well, instead of destroying the world, why don't you just give everyone flowers?  
  
Kefka: What?  
  
Sephiroth: We're villains, for crying out loud!  
  
Ganondorf: Yeah, we can't just soften up! What will our fans think?  
  
Ultimecia: You guys have fans?  
  
Seifer: Well, the point is, nothing is worth doing if no innocent lives are lost.  
  
Kefka: Hey, that's my line! You stole it!  
  
Seifer: Shut up!  
  
Kefka: Make me!  
  
Seifer: Sure! Silence!  
  
Kefka: Haha! Nice try, but since I've achieved final boss statis, I am immune to statis affects!  
  
Seifer: Dang!  
  
Fujin: RAGE!  
  
Raijin: Hey boss, try to calm down, ya know?  
  
Seifer: Shut up!  
  
Raijin: Okay, ya know?  
  
Elvish Piper: Anyway, we only want to crush the world as a symbol of our revenge!!! If the good guys hadn't beaten us, then we wouldn't be here doing all this!!!  
  
Selphie: But why were you all doing these things before the good guys even tried to stop you?  
  
Elvish Piper: Uh, I don't know!!!  
  
Censor Sorceror: Now me? I never tried to destroy the world. I am only here supporting the bad guys because the author told me to do so.  
  
Selphie: Ok, next question. What is your favorite chocobo?  
  
Ultimecia: What kind of question is that?  
  
Kefka: Is there any point in asking a villain that?  
  
Sephiroth: Well, I kinda like the gold ones . . . .  
  
Ganondorf: What's a chocobo?  
  
Selphie: What do you mean what's a chocobo?!! How could you not have seen a chocobo?!  
  
Ganondorf: Well, they weren't ever in my world.  
  
Selphie: That's it! I shall start a petition to bring chocobos to the land of Hyrule!  
  
Ganondorf: I'm sorry but that won't happen. You see, Final Fantasy, which chocobos are from, is owned by Squaresoft. However, Legend of Zelda is owned by Nintendo. I see very little chance that Squaresoft is actually going to let Nintendo use chocobos.  
  
Selphie: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ganondorf: It's not that big of a deal!  
  
Selphie: Well, next question. How do you do all those amazing things that you have done?  
  
Kefka: Well, it all started when I absorbed the power of the magicite from the espers. Using this power, I was given great strength. But the real boost of power was when I gained the power of the three magic statues, were I became a god!  
  
Selphie: OK, I did not expect that. Well, how about you?  
  
Ganondorf: I gained my magical powers at a secret place in the dark world of Hyrule. I cannot allow any other information to pass into your mind.  
  
Selphie: What? Well, that was certainly not right. I expected that you learned it from your mother.  
  
Ganondorf: Well, that too.  
  
Kefka: You know, I did not know that.  
  
Selphie: Now, how did you learn it?  
  
Ultimecia: I was born with it.  
  
Sephiroth: Same here.  
  
Selphie: And what of you, stranger?  
  
Seifer: Stranger? You know me!  
  
Selphie: Let's see . . . I think it's coming back to me . . . .  
  
Seifer: Yes?  
  
Selphie: Your name began with a "S"  
  
Seifer: Yes?  
  
Selphie: I know! You're Sammy!  
  
Seifer: Um, no. Actually, I'm Seifer.  
  
Selphie: And these must be your friends, Frances and Randy!  
  
Seifer: No, they're Fujin and Raijin.  
  
Fujin: IDIOT!  
  
Raijin: Don't you recognise us, ya know?  
  
Selphie: Well, let's move on. And how about you?  
  
Elvish Piper: I have a magical flute! It can be used to summon lots of stuff!  
  
Selphie: Can you summon a chocobo?  
  
Elvish Piper: Sorry, no.  
  
Selphie: And now, finally, we reach you.  
  
Censor Sorceror: My powers were given to me by the author himself. I hold the power to censor any and all attacks that I please. I am all powerful!  
  
Selphie: Sure . . . .  
  
Kefka: Hey, aren't you going to ask us about our villainous plots to destroy you and your friends?  
  
Selphie: What do you mean?  
  
Kefka: Well, we are villains!  
  
Selphie: What? You're all villains?  
  
Everyone: YES!!!  
  
Selphie: But I thought this was the Chocobo's Breeding Institute!  
  
Everyone: NO!!!  
  
Kefka: Why would CNN want to do a report on chocobos?  
  
Selphie: Because we are the Chocobo News Network!  
  
Kefka: Huh?  
  
Selphie: Now what are we suppose to do? Yuffie! Navi! Let's leave!  
  
Ganondorf: Great, interviewed by the wrong network!  
  
Sephiroth: We must stop her from telling everyone of our failure!  
  
Everyone: **attacks Selphie**  
  
Selphie:**down to 1 HP** You meanies!  
  
Censor Sorceror: Uh oh . . . . I know what is gonna happen now! The author has already told me! **turns around and runs out of the room**  
  
Selphie: Ultimate Limit Break! The End!  
  
As Selphie casts The End, all the villains are knocked unconscious.  
  
Censor Sorceror: **comes back** Gee, do I have to do everything by myself? **hits Selphie with briefcase**  
  
Selphie: **knocked out**  
  
Yuffie: That wasn't very nice!  
  
Censor Sorceror: So? **beats Yuffie up with briefcase**  
  
Yuffie: Owie . . . . **knocked unconscious**  
  
Navi: Now I shall annoy you to death! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Look! Listen!  
  
Censor Sorceror: Noooo!!!!!!!! **hits Navi on the head with his briefcase**  
  
Navi: Hey . . . Look . . . Listen . . . . **knocked out**  
  
Censor Sorceror: Good riddance! **takes out a huge box and puts Selphie, Navi, and Yuffie into it**  
  
Selphie: **wakes up** What's going on?  
  
Censor Sorceror: I'm sending you to a far off place!  
  
Selphie: Where's my chocobo?  
  
Censor Sorceror: Here! **throws in real live chocobo**  
  
Chocobo: Wark!  
  
Selphie: Yay! Chocobo! **hugs it**  
  
Chocobo: Wwwaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Censor Sorceror: **seals the box and mails it away**  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
An hour later, the villains are now all awake.  
  
Kefka: Let's never do that again.  
  
Ganondorf: Hey, I've got a perfect idea! Let's go attack the author's other fic!   
  
Elvish Piper: Hey, I'm still in that fic!!!  
  
Ganondorf: We'll attack the stadium, and destroy all those good guys there!  
  
Sephiroth: Yes, let's invade the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament!  
  
Ultimecia: Um, I don't think the author will be very happy about this . . . .  
  
Censor Sorceror: Don't worry, I've already got him to sign a contract promising not to interfere with our little war.  
  
Kefka: Good, then let's destroy the fic!  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile, we see the author sitting in his house, reading a book.  
  
Triad Card 844A: Why does Agatha Cristie have to make her mysteries so hard? How in the world does Hercule Poirot solve all these crimes?  
  
Mailman: I have a huge package for you, sir.  
  
TC: Hmmm, I wonder what it could be. Well, with my luck, it will probably be two insane girls, an annoying fairy, and a very scared chocobo . . . . .  
  
***************  
End of Chapter 2  
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So, what do you think? To find the conclusion, read chapter 4 of the Summoners/Monsters/Trainers Tournament or chapter 3 of this story! 


End file.
